little t & a
the rolling stones
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+Wednesday: Today's stop is Mazatlán. Make sure to take a bunch of awesome pictures with everyone, and of everything!
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"Yo, yo, yo, yiggity yo, motha f*ckas!" I yelled as I skipped to the table full of groggy breakfast eaters. Iggy beat me there, he was sitting between my brother, and Sophia. I kissed everyone on the cheek good morning, even the newbies. Yes, yes, I had grown a special liking to Nat, but Monroe and Dani were pretty cool too, and they were beautiful. JEALOUSY!
I scooted on Iggy's lap and leaned against the table, my head in my hands, smiling sweetly at an angry Josh. The Cat's kept talking, but he was silent. "Why the long face Josh? Eggs get stuck in your beard?"
"You very well know why I am mad." He gruffed.
"Oh shush, your just jealous I didn't invite you." I said drinking some of Iggy's orange juice. I smiled at him as he just ignored me. I didn't mind, he'd be over it later.
So we shuffled off of the boat after chatting with Chey about her new boy crush, and taking pictures, then giving Josh, and I'm sorry hug, and now I was walking with Laurie.
"Look, look! I took you advice and I'm totally dressed down." I said pointing to the black shorts, and the cat crop top. "Are you proud?"
"I am so proud." She said with mock enthusiasm.
"What is wrong with you, boo?" I said, my face crumpling into a frown.
"Nothing Birdie, I am fine. Really."
"Please don't lie to yourself." I said, stopping in the middle of the street, "I know how much worse it is. Trust me. I've done, I'm.. nevermind." I said flashing a quick smile, giving her a hug and running up to Iggy.
"What does that even? Birdie!" She stamped, walking back to Josh. How could I tell her? When she is feeling beyond sh*tty that I want to just sob to myself and never face anything? How could I tell Laurie that all I want to do is scream and yell and b*tch and moan and groan? How could I possibly do that to someone who I would die for? How could I do that to my sister, my fellow Cat, my friend...? I just couldn't bare to have her worrying about me, when she should be worrying about herself.
I shook the thoughts from my head and focused on Iggy. I clutched his hand, not letting go. I couldn't help it, I was tensing. We ended up at the back of the group, it brought me back to yesterday morning. We hadn't talked about it, and maybe we should have... but.. I don't know. I hate not knowing and I never know. F*ck.
"Lucy, you aren't okay are you, love?" Iggy said, separating ourselves from the group.
"No, babe, I'm not okay." I said giving him a sad smile.
"I knew it. Do you want to talk about it?" He said sitting me down at table at a small whole in the wall, well they sell food there, let's put it that way. I shook my head, I didn't want to talk about it at all. Iggy wouldn't push me to say, but the look in his eyes would make me give in. "We'll just then, I guess." He said softly, searching for an answer that I couldn't give him. Searching for a reason why I unraveled so easy.. maybe he was searching in my eyes why he got stuck with someone so f*cked up in the head. After a long silence I scooted my chair next to his. I rested my head on his chest, Iggy put his arm around me, I could feel the weight of my crazyness weighing on him.
"I'm sorry, Iggy. I'm so sorry you got stuck with me and my crazyness, I am so sorry that you have to be with me, instead of some normal nice girl with no drama, no mental illness, no nothing, just normal and nice and pretty and fun. I'm sorry I don't look like those other girls, I'm sorry I did this to you. I'm sorry I'm breaking you down, minute by minute, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I said hiccupping between the words, "And I'm sorry I'm turning into her, and I'm sorry that you have to hear this, and I'm sorry, I dragged you back and I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry." I closed my eyes and looked down, he was in utter confusion. "I'm sorry I break down like this." I squeaked. "I'm sorry.. Iggy. I'm sorry I do this to you."
"Lucy don't say those things. You can't apologize for who you are, that's just you and no matter which way you look at it, it's still the same painting. I love you. You never had to drag me in, because I was already hooked. And I promise, to accept you, no matter how depressed, or mad, or happy you may get, I'll embrace. Because that's what people do when they love each other. I don't care what you are, as long as you're you. If I was with some nice normal girl, I'd be miserable, because your crazy draws me in. It makes you what you are with out defining you. And I love that."
"You don't mean that." I said as he wiped the tears that began to run down my face. "I'm just a weak girl with a feeble heart."
"You're wrong. You are a strong woman, with an amazing heart and soul. You are one of the most loving people I know, and don't you forget that for one second, if not for yourself, than for me."
"Why are you so wonderful to me? I don't do much to deserve it." I said softly, letting out a bitter laugh.
"Do I need to explain it again?" Iggy said, pulling me up on my feet, I looked up at him. He was 6'6, at least a whole foot taller than me. What a giant. A gentle giant who is too sweet to me for his own good, Lord know, my life will just come up to bite me in the @ss again. Lord knows I love him, so why not just f*ck it up more?
"No." I said, hugging his waist, clutching him tightly. Maybe the more I cling to him, the more chances I'll get for him to stay. What would I do if he left? That would be the point of no return.